His Mouth Is Moving, But Listen To The Funny Sound He Makes...

Have you ever stopped to listen to yourself and wondered 'What in all hell am I talking about?'...
I'm pretty sure we are all guilty of this insecure little moment from time to time... BUT... I have noticed it more recently than ever.
I'm not an insecure person... In fact I'm a pretty well rounded-secure-type-thingumy-bob... BUT (this is the second BUT of this blog)... I've noticed recently how many people talk and talk and talk and have nothing interesting to say. 
This got me thinking... I'm not the high and mighty type, which led me to speculate that if other people talk and talk but only of inane things... maybe I do it too!?!?!?
I really hate the thought of being perceived as boring or inane but the likeliness stands that if you notice lots of inane conversationalists around you... you're probably pretty close.... WAHH?? 


Some recent highlights include: 
          "The show's good but it's much better now that Nick Jonas is in it!" (a crazy fan at the Les Miserable stage door)
          "That's great but what do you do for a real job?" (Juliet the New Zealander questioning my cast about their acting careers)
          "I'm not bothering anyone... It's just a cigarette!" (Woman being thrown out for smoking in the aisles of a Tesco Metro)
          "GOD HATES LADY GAGA!!!" (Westboro Babtist Church)

Doesn't it make you wonder? I can easily look at these ridiculous people and laugh at their pathetic pointlessness... BUT (that's number three)... What if we're all the same?
I guess a certain amount of insecurity is good for all and everyone. Obnoxious arrogance after all is something no one desires to possess. As a species, we humans (particularly westerners) tend to have wild delusions of grandeur in most walks of life and, to a degree, believe the world revolves around us. It would be marvellous if this were true but I think not... I fear that our western problems and life hurdles are, for the most part, unfounded and insignificant.
What a to do!? I need to spend less time talking and worrying and far more time learning and listening!


Here's to fearing pointlessness
x

Birthday Blog...

It is 11.45 pm on a snowy January day and I have exactly 15 minutes to write a birthday blog before it isn't...
As the first blog of 2010 I had hoped to write something profound or exciting, but sadly I have nothing much to say.
Today is my birthday... 27 today... bluuuurrrggghhh!
I have achieved all my some goals... I am a highly successful writer struggling writer. I am world famous and adored by all that know me have just spent the past christmas playing Marius in Les Miserable Peter pan in Canterbury's annual pantomime. I have a body that would make adonis jealous need to go to the gym a great deal more often and I have paid off my overdraft and put down a mortgage for a house am living in the cosy confines of my fat, fat overdraft.
But...
Things are good! Really good! 2010... Here we go!
x

Farewell 2009...

2009 brought more than its fair share of craziness. In one small year my life has changed considerably more than in any other and I'm secretly glad to be saying goodbye to it. 2010 is all about stability and grounding myself... I've decided.


Thinking back to where I was a year ago, my stomach turns over and my heart starts to race with frustration and nervousness. 
I was living with a boyfriend who didn't love me and saw me simply as something that stood in the way of his college friends. I was so filled with the feeling of being trapped and of wasted time that I was having panic attacks daily. I hadn't completed a single story or piece of writing owing to the fact that my creativity had dried up as a result of my near depression. I was working a dead end job and I was gaining weight at an alarming speed. Sweet Jesus it was a mess!!! 
I'm forced to admit that my lovely friend Francesca was right. From very early on she repeatedly told me to "run for the hills" and "get the hell out of there"... I resisted for as long as I could but it was to no avail... FRANCESCA... YOU WERE RIGHT AND I WAS WRONG... There, I've said it!!!


In early May a job came along that would have an undeniable effect on me. "Naked Boy Singing" was an all male, nude review show that quite literally liberated me from my terrible situation. It forced me to reassess my situation and kick things back into gear. I went down to the slimmest I have ever been in preparation for the public nudity. I moved out of the house I shared with my arid boyfriend and moved into a wonderful flat with a dear friend Ellis and his partner. I rekindled my creativity and wrote my first article that was published on the Guardian blog, finished my first children's book and signed to a great literary agent.
Whilst performing in "Naked Boys" I met a brilliant composer who has become a very important part of my life. He is warm and compassionate and all things good and healthy and inspiring. He has made me very happy.
I am clearing my debts, catching up on correspondence with old friends, finishing projects, working hard, reading lots, eating well, being as creative as time allows and working solidly as a performer. 
Needless to say, things are remarkably better than they were a year ago.


I have enjoyed 2009 though, with a heavy heart, I'm awfully glad to wave goodbye to it...


So here goes...  2009, you were very stressful! May 2010 be far more stable and wholesome.
Ta-ta 2009... I'll never forget you
x